Promises you broke, words you choked on...and I never walked away; it's still a mystery to me...

How do we really know if something is real or fake? Are things always in black and white? Where are we supposed to go when every path seems to lead around in circles...or leads us to nowhere? Or the same very place that we just came from, only it looks different from the surface? How am I supposed to feel when my heart has been ripped out so many times? Is anything I feel real or genuine? Or is it fabricated because I want to feel something so badly? How do I know what the truth is, when all I am used to hearing is lies? Why am I still honest, when being such has never gotten me anywhere? Why do I continue to give so much of myself, even though I have nothing left? I keep giving away pieces of my soul that I can't spare. And why do people not like giving back? What is so rewarding from taking and taking? How is that fulfilling? Who do I turn to when everyone seems to turn their back on me? Why do I stay after I am repeatedly stabbed in the back?...After my heartstrings have been pulled on so many times, in so many conflicting ways? How does it still beat? Is there such a thing as love? Does trust exist? Can people really be genuine? Is finding the truth better than living a lie? Or is living in denial better? Is there such a thing as a happy ending? Will i find mine? Or will it simple just be 'an ending'...a pointless journey with struggle and heartache, and no real reward at the outset? When will I know the answers to all of these questions? Why do I have to think about this all the time? Why can't life just be easy? Why can't I just be loved for who I am and feel wanted and respected and appreciated? Why, oh why, is that too much to want? -amor e morte