It doesn't matter what I do I can never get it right. It just hurts so much. But pain is all that I know. I lay here trying to hold back the tears. But it's too hard. Slowly they start streaming down my face. Soon I will have a shower and let it all out in there. I think I might hurt myself too...I can't cope. It's the only thing that will make me feel better. Even if it's only for a short time. It's days like this that I wish I was never born. It's days like that that I believe I was never meant to be loved. And that I will never be loved. I always get a glimpse of bliss. I always meet people wearing masks. Why is it that people who seem to be so kind, caring and considerate at first, turn out to be hurtful, inconsiderate monsters in the end? Why is it that these people never see their own faults; but are too quick to point out mine? And why is it that these people always gloss over the good things about me, only to focus on the negative? I give so much of myself. I give more than I have to give. Time and time again. When will I learn? The thing is, I did learn a long time ago that I shouldn't give anymore...and that I certainly shouldn't give more than I receive. But my longing for love and acceptance always makes me do what I know I shouldn't. I always know I will end up hurt. But the hope that maybe, just maybe, I won't get hurt this time...makes me a fool. That's all I am. A fool. I can't do this anymore. It hurts too much. I can't keep being here. I don't want to be here. I want to die. I will die alone anyway, so why not just fast-track it. -amor e morte.
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