Can't I fastforward...

I want to know at which point will this stop hurting. Luckily i have the support of a few good friends and family but most of this rests with me. Everytime a memory comes floating into my mind my heart stops and suddenly sinks. I don't understand why he can't see the good times that we had. I am a pessimist by nature but I was trying to look forward and had faith that we could work it out...and that the good times far outweighed the bad. But not for him; how could he not realise that I appreciated him and just wanted for it to work? Or maybe he did realise that and didn't feel the samebut looked for the easy way out. It.s easy to blame someone else for everything...a relationship takes two and I'm not responsible for everything that went wrong. Though it's simple to think that. Nomatter what anyone says there is a price for honesty. I want to know at which point will I stop aching. When will I stop remembering? Will I ever stop blaming myself? Will he ever realise that he did things that hurt me too? Will he realise that I am a genuine and good person and my heart and intentions were mostly always in the right place? I want to know at which point will he forget me. I wish i could think that he missed me but I know he does not. The thought of him replacing me kills me. How long will that take? Will i go down on the list as another bad girlfriend? I tried to make him happy. Maybe the overlying reason for this all is because his heart wasn't in it. I knew that after our first argument. I want to know at which point will I forget all of this. When will I get over it? Perhaps the most hurtful thing is the realisation that he gave up on me. And he didn't trust me. - Amor e Morte.