My love is unusual; it's painted with roses and thorns

This is one of my favourite lyrics from one of my favourite songs. And it rings true to me. Though I want to be a thornless rose.

I have made a promise to myself that I am just focusing on friends and figuring my shit out - no falling into my old habits. No boys.

So when the times comes when I try to rekindle what we once has (and improve it, more importantly) I can say that I have wholeheartedly and truly put in all my efforts. And that I am am loyal and sincere. That I care. And that I appreciate the person I was once shared myself with.

I don't want to think about him being with someone else, though it is inevitable since we aren't together. I just don't want to know about it. But I'm not going to see anyone else until I put my cards on the table with him. Again. I mean that. I'm tired of mucking around and wasting time. I just want to love and be loved. And be happy. It will happen; that, I am determined of.